Who I'd like to meet

Okay so im R-E-A- double-L-Y BORED, so im going to write a little somthing about who me would like to meet, so i guess.....

On a first date: I will not put out, although, upon cessation of said date I will violently rape my Rabbit and envision your hands and mouth all over my body. We may discuss this in the future, if I decide you're worthy of more conversation. In an effort to further my not-putting-out goal, I will not shave,wear mis-matched socks. Just remember that you have read this, we go out, and you are having dirty thoughts over dinner. UNSHAVEN/MISMATCHED
I will engage you in conversation, perhaps shock you with hilarious stories of my past. I may use "big" words, and I refuse to dummy down for anyone. I will make you laugh, assuming you have a brain and the personality to "get it". I won't order a salad, nor will I order the most expensive entree. If I am hungry, I will eat. I may call you the following day. I may not. On the second date: I may, in fact, put out. Why? Because I find few people meet/exceed my expectations enough to be granted a second date. I'm not promising I'll shave (kidding). We will discuss the ridiculous happenings in both of our worlds since the last time we spoke. I may ask you to leave following copulation. I may snuggle. I own a penis and cannot decide at the present time how I will feel/react after sex. Yes, I just typed all of that. Now, here's where the prospect pool will thin accordingly... YOU MUST BE funny loquacious driven single (that means not LEGALLY married) not a baby's-mommy drug/disease free (everyone knows you can tell if someone has AIDS by looking) sarcastic well-mannered, for appearances able to leave work at work. this implies employment educated (beauty school and diesel college do not count) act like a girl. If I wanted a questionable queer, I'd date a guy. They smell better, anyway. I AM...
Very comfortable in my skin. Unafraid. Equally unashamed. Not looking to get married yet. Able to say "no" and scream "yes". Calm, collected, logical, rational, politically incorrect, and witty TOGETHER, WE WILL bowl play trivia act like raging dickheads in public establishments giggle at midgets fornicate regularly discuss books drink excessively if the mood strikes, and it will. Often laugh at others and harder at ourselves one-up eachother WE WILL NOT involve species other than homosapiens in our bedroom routine. yell, argue, at like gigantic three-year-olds when we're upset be dishonest care what everyone else thinks do any activity with one another's family more than once a month act like something doesn't bother us, when it does throw low-blows in times of frustration Oh, and just to make sure I don't attract the wrong type of girl, here comes what some of you will be dismayed at... I'm not fat. I'm not the healthiest individual, but I'm not a walking heart attack. If you appear to be more than 2.5 months pregnant, that would be terrible. I'm not into anything sexual that involves blood shed or leaves marks. General ass-slapping and hair pulling = perfectly acceptable. Donkey punches, not so much. Yes, I did just type that. Dirty Sanchez is out, as well. Bring your A-game, GIRLS.

My Experience being on Reality TV

Arizona is hot as slut, good god i just couldnt believe how hot is was just stepping off the plane and walking through the tunnel into the airport. Day or night the weather felt the same jut H-0-T-T. Arriving to the house we were in these two big white vans named GOOSE and Maverick which i thought was pretty interesting naming cars. So we all get to the house walking straight to the pool and my mouth just dropped it was like busting a nut to a girls gone wild DVD except they werent nakid. Than TARA delicious looking girl steps out of the pool, blonde hair, smooth ass legs, with the most sexiest bathing suit comes up and welcomes us to the house. At this point my eye were wide open, heart beating, and just missile stiff, every AFC/guys fantasy to be living in a sexy house with gorgeous women to salivate for. I wish we could of at least talked to them for a few mins b4 they left. The house was amazing furnished with love couches and the warmest cooling colors on the wall, not to mention the bathrooms are awesome. It came equipped with super soaker toilets that washes your ass for you.